Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
