She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
