he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
