I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
