Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
