just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
