she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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