She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
