Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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