You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
