You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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