you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
