after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
