Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
