He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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