I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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