Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
