everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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