Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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