I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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