you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
