Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
