That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just tell him i said nine months
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
