I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
