You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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