Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
