i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
