Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
