Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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