lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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