YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
