her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
