another moral hangover. fuck.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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