i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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