You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
