Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
