she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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