Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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