he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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