last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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