Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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