nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
