My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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