i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
