Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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