You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
