Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
