he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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