I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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