Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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