I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
