just tell him i said nine months
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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