They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
