I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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