So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
