Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
