I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
