i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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