I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
