Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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