i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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