It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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