her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
