Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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