Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
