"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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