hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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