you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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