dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
