he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
