he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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