Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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