yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
