haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
