i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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