Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize