i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
