the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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