sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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