she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
