evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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